You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
