you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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