Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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