Ambien. No doubt about it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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