clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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