I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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