I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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