my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
