I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
