it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
