Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
