I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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