I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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