If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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