i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
