when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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