I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
