I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
