I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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