i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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