some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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