dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
