cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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