is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
