take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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