He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
