If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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