Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
