What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
