He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
