no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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