So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
