So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
