genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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