she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
