You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
