i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
