i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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