Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
