maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
