After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
