Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
