my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Randomize
