the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
