dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
