regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
