those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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