can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
