The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
