I want to have your abortion
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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